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What's New? - New Musical for 2010
The tomb of Pharaoh Neverbeenanygood has been uncovered by a group of explorers. Not only has the Mummy returned but he's brought rap music with him and this threatens to take over the world. Thankfully Dr Frankenstein comes to the rescue with an interesting creation of his own. Which music style will be judged the best? Can "Idol" save the day? This is Indiana Jones meets the Munsters with great music from: Kylie, MC Hammer, Jet, Frank Sinatra, The Bangles, Eminem plus many more.
Here's a sample scene from the show ...
Bones: Can you believe it Doctor? After 12 years of searching we are finally standing outside the burial chamber of one of Egypt’s least known Pharaohs – Neverbeenanygood.
Halfasleep: It is hard to believe that he has eluded one of the museum’s finest archaeologists for such a long time.
Bones: Who?
Halfasleep: Why you of course!
Hardback: Might have helped if you left the Museum earlier.
Bones: That Museum can be a fiendishly tricky maze to negotiate.
Hardback: I thought you’d never find your way out of the souvenir shop.
Bones: Let’s not dwell in the past.
Hardback: (To audience) Took him 10 years to find the EXIT.
Bones: I have now made a discovery that will go down in history…
Crumpet: Who made the discovery? (Entering with guns drawn)
Bones: Ah … Ms Lara Crumpet. Your reputation precedes you.
Hardback: As does your oversized novelty push-up bra. Is she part of the team?
Halfasleep: I’m sorry. (Hardback screams) I’m terrible at introductions. Ms Patricia Hardback is a librarian who specializes in Egyptian mythology. She also has a rather unusual medical condition where she screams every time someone apologizes.
Bones: Sorry to hear about that. (She screams again)
Halfasleep: As demonstrated. Ms Crumpet has been watching our backs since this expedition first began.
Crumpet: We would have met sooner had you not spent two weeks wandering around that shopping centre.
Bones: Hey, I don’t think there’s anyone here who can honestly say that they’ve never walked out of a mall and forgotten where they parked the camel.
Crumpet: You spent two days trapped in the frozen food section.
Bones: Those chickens looked exactly the same. It was very confusing.
(Willy Waffler enters with two Egyptian workers carrying digging equipment)
Waffler: Sorry we’re late. (Hardback screams)
Halfasleep: Never mind her. This is Doctor Willy Waffler who is a renowned linguist. He speaks fluent Egyptian and is a handy third drop.
Crumpet: So is this our entire party or are there more surprises to come?
Halfasleep: This is it. Now who volunteers to be the first to enter the tomb?
Hardback: Doctor?
(All three doctors reply – Yes)
Crumpet: Chicken…
Hardback: Jones.
Bones: While I welcome your gracious invitation I must regretfully decline as I have something in my eye which has temporarily rendered me incapacitated.
Crumpet: What’d he say?
Waffler: He’s chicken.
Bones: You wouldn’t want someone who can’t see properly stumbling around inside a previously undisturbed archaeological site now would you?
Fazal: Aboo bakar chook chook.
Halfasleep: What did he say?
Waffler: He recommends that Doctor Jones go and see a real doctor before his eye problem becomes serious.
Bones: Nonsense! I don’t need to see a doctor. Doctors are for woosies and girls.
Crumpet: What about yourself Doctor Halfasleep? You are the one who financed this expedition. Don’t you want to be credited with the discovery?
Halfasleep: Yes of course I would. But I’m not as young as I used to be. What with my bad back, shot knees, old shrapnel in the buttocks …
Crumpet: Enough excuses, I’ll do it! Stand back! (She draws her weapons)
Waffler: Wait! I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
Crumpet: Why not?
Hardback:
There’s a warning over the entrance to the tomb.
(He starts fingering through a book)
Crumpet: What does it say?
Waffler:
I have already completed the translation using my hieroglyphics book.
(He hands paper to Doctor Halfasleep)
Halfasleep: It’s a curse! (Dramatic Music)
Mahmood:
Faloojah ramses ping off time.
(The two Egyptian workers drop their shovels and run away)
Halfasleep: What did they say?
Waffler:
They’re just going to check with their insurance providers to see
if they are covered for accidental death by curse.
(Doctor Bones re-enters with a patch over one eye)
Bones: Now we’re in trouble. You always need incidental characters like those two guys just in case you run into any booby traps.
Crumpet: If there are any booby traps then you’re bound to find them.
Bones: You can talk. You’re Queen of the … (Pausing to look at Crumpet’s oversized bosom) traps!
Hardback: Enough fighting! Doctor what does the curse say?
Halfasleep: Greetings at the gravesite. The spare key is under the pot-plant. Lock up when you are finished. P.S. Whoever enters will be hunted by the Dummy.
Hardback: Can you read that again, that last bit didn’t make sense.
Waffler: I forgot to tell you Doctor that I have a very rare condition where I replace words starting with M with a D instead.
Halfasleep: That’s easily fixed. So it’s not the Dummy who will track us down - it’s the Mummy!
Crumpet: The Mummy.
Waffler: The Dummy.
Hardcover: The Mummy.
Bones: Oh mummy! (Hides behind Hardcover)
Halfasleep: So it’s the old curse of the Mummy trick. I’ve seen this many, many times before and it meant absolutely nothing. This was written thousands of years ago to scare small minded people.
Crumpet: (Pointing at Jones) It’s still working.
Hardcover: I read this book where the people who entered the tomb were tracked down one by one by the Mummy who returned from the dead.
Halfasleep: Don’t believe everything you read. This is a (your school’s name) musical. Nothing can go wrong. (Look around worriedly)
Waffler: Then let’s tackle this dystery!
Halfasleep: Quite. We enter in the name of science.
Everyone: Science!
Hardcover: Let’s hope the Mummy liked his chemistry teacher.
(All enter the tomb)